Lesbian Twin Flame Journey to Healing – Trusting the Universe in Abandonment and Rejection

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I was listening to Abraham and Esther Hicks this morning and she mentioned that if there is a break-up or discord, to go back to the stream of alignment that brought you to your perfect partner. The Universe is always orchestrating to bring you to your perfect partner, i found her which is half the battle! I totally had already figured that out before i heard it, but it just confirmed what i already knew. Many Twin Flames have not even met each other yet! So i feel incredibly lucky in this lifetime!!

They also said to think about all the wonderful things about the relationship, to not focus on conditions anymore and train yourself to leave conditions out of the relationship. The worst part about this separation is i feel completely rejected and abandoned by someone i love and it triggers old feelings or hurt, rejection and abandonment issue from my past that need to be dealt with and healed. I do not want to be co-dependent because i want the healthiest possible relationship with her. My Twin Flame’s healing is requiring her to completely cut me off from contact…no calls, no texts, no closure…i have no idea how she is even doing? My main focus is to be on what feels good for me right now and continue to send her unconditional soul love through meditation, energy work and visualization.

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The things I love about our relationship: We understand each other easily, she understands me more than anyone else, we have felt magic together that we haven’t felt with anyone else, we know how to align our chakras, she is a wonderful mother, we are great at co-parenting our kids together, we have fun together, we have the most amazing sex of our lives with each other,  she makes me feel beautiful, we love each others bodies despite our flaws, i can be most vulnerable self with her and be completely comfortable naked and exposed with her, i feel the most connected to her body, mind and soul than any other, i feel like i know her more than any other partner, i love to bring her pleasure, i love being excited to see her, i love that giddy feeling she still gives me, i love that she is romantic, she feels like home to me, she reminds me of my father, i feel supported by her, i feel the most protected by her than i have since i was little with my dad when i was 11 yrs old, i trust her, we enjoy most of the same things, we enjoy the same music, we cook well together, we love entertaining our family and friends together, we make a great team, we can accomplish things easily together, we work on projects well together, we can read each others minds, we know what each other are thinking most of time, we pick up on each other’s energy easily and without effort, we love exploring things together and going on adventures with each other, we truly love each others friends and family, we love each other’s minds and intelligence, i can be honest and authentic with her more than any other human and i want to be more myself around her than anyone else and we make each other better spiritually and intellectually, she knows all my deepest fears, dreams and fantasies, i love that she is independent, generous, kind and strong.

I not only loved myself when i found my Twin Flame again, but i had a routine…i had mantra’s and affirmations, my diet was minimal meat and processed foods, I meditated every day and exercised couple times a week at least. I was in the end of a unhealthy relationship and had totally let it go and become my best version of myself. The person i was in a relationship with before her was just preparing me for what i knew i did and did not want. My Twin Flame fills every requirement of what i want in a partner and more! Why did i quite doing those things? What did i think would happen? I was living out of my van and bags for almost two years going back and forth between our houses and just forgot about a routine, myself and my own needs. That is easy for a mom to do…sacrifice is just what we do.

That first year together we had somewhat of a routine and days that we knew we would see each other and we quit doing that. We shouldn’t have. I was so focused on getting closer so we could move on in our relationship and get to the “next level” which to me was seeing her everyday. I was just so focused on living together and having our family in one place. I have to let that go. The problems that we are having all come out of a place of fear. This cycle and Runner/Chaser dynamic is out of fear of commitment, fear of communication, fear of judgement, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of separation, fear of loss and the ego override. We are mirror reflecting everything back to us.

When we get into really comfortable relationships, it’s easy to get lazy. I don’t know why i stopped doing the things that were maintaining my alignment? I focused too much on making my Twin Flame and kids happy and i was actually making her and us miserable which is the opposite of what i want. I found a freedom in domestication and being in the wife role and i loved it and basked in it and find joy in it. I am really, really good at it! I learned from the best…my mom and dad’s mom are/were domestic diva’s. My Twin Flame is the organized one, everything has it’s place and i have learned a lot from her.

I myself am the worst housekeeper and totally unorganized, but i make an awesome girlfriend…sexy and loyal as fuck, fiercely protective, one down ass bitch who is ride or die. I can cook, entertain and take one for the team every damn day! She was just not ready and it was so hard to accept because i’m so damn impatient!! I want everything right now!!! I realize that everything that went wrong was completely my fault…even when i was angry and hurt…i knew it was my fault. I stopped being the best self i can be and it affected everyone around me. That’s how powerful of beings we are! We create our reality…it’s so simple, yet the most complicated damn things to grasp here on Earth as a human. I have grown up with nothing but expectations and conditions and we have to learn to unlearn them. She knows what is best for us and has to do the hard part by being the “runner” and breaking it off. Maybe it is the best thing to do for us to heal on our own in order to be our best selves and uplift humanity together? I’m counting on her and trust her to know what’s best for all of us.

My Twin Flame takes things really slow, is an introvert, hard for her to communicate her feelings and somewhat emotionally unavailable and most of that was me not giving her the space she needs.  I’m always ready to jump in head first, we took our time and i’m glad we did…she has always known what is best for both of us. We were friends before we were lovers which is the most important factor of our relationship. We at least for sure did that right!

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Today i woke up half an hour early and meditated, listened to Abraham and Esther, exercised for about 15 minutes, made coffee like i used to, took a long shower and sent my Twin Flame a message of love both in a text and in my mind. I need to repeat daily mantra’s and affirmations and have been practicing in the mirror. All the things i would say to her, the love i would send her i have been sending myself and telling myself. I blogged for about 15 minutes this morning while kids were getting ready for school. I’m blogging again before the work day begins. I’m learning to love myself again and in turn she will love herself even more and remember all the amazing things about me, our relationship and our love for each other. I looked to her to be the guide in our relationship, when I was guiding us and took us down the wrong damn path when i was bogged down by the baggage of negative feelings, emotions and life crap.

I am learning to compartmentalize my feelings by writing this blog to funnel my thoughts and journey to healing through this instead of constantly texting or Facebooking her my feelings. I’m trying to stay of FB, it’s fucking evil and it’s really for people who give a shit what others think! My Twin Flame can jump on this blog any time and follow my journey along with anyone else who is on a similar journey. I’m learning how to honor and embrace her freedom and space and also my own freedom and space and make myself and my kids a priority again. I know that i have to get to a place of healing before the Reunion phase.

True Twin Flames are never apart, our souls are eternally intertwined and when i miss her the most i’m out of alignment with source energy. I can be with her spiritually and send her love at any time. I can picture her in my meditation and align our chakras without her even being physically present. I have been picturing all the things that make us feel good when we’re together to bring that into my vortex instead of the feelings i don’t want. The research about Twin Flame dynamics keeps mentioning that the Runner is the masculine Twin Flame and the Chaser is the Feminine Twin Flame and i found that to be true even as a same sex couple. Like many articles and writing about Twin Flames, the male counterpart is not necessarily male and could be just a masculine energy like my Twin Flame in same sex Twin Flame couples.

One twin flame, at this point, takes the role of the ‘Runner’ (which is usually the man)
The Runner tries to avoid the partner and runaway from the relationship.
This happens because the runner doesn’t consciously know what is going on and feels like he’s losing control. – “The Journey of the Twin Flame Relationship” by Karen Kay

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