Lesbian Twin Flame Journey to Healing – Ride This Shit Out For As Long As I Can

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Relief at last!! Today is the first day i have felt super positive and optimistic. It might because of days of intense listening to Abraham and Esther Hicks…or it could be that i got to finally see my Twin Flame after four days. I think not seeing her for three or more days is my limit and then i start getting depressed even if i don’t want to or am so busy i wouldn’t get to see her much anyway. I just need to be in her presence, smell her and feel her next to me. I want to be in my spot curled up without the weight of the world on me…i want to sleep next to her so i can actually sleep. I am trying not to think of all the things i feel like my life lacks and focusing on all the good stuff. My oldest son got into a terrible accident and totaled his new Volvo. He is thankfully okay, but it could have been such a devastating event. The car only had liability because his dad is a cheap piece of fuck that has dogshit for brains!! My family bought the car and he only had to help my son with the insurance. Both sperm donors are so dumb i wondered what the hell i was thinking and makes me ashamed…however without them i wouldn’t have my babies!! My partner and i would not be able to share the experience of having children and i’m glad that’s it’s me and the babies. Thankfully he had such a safe vehicle and he was able to walk away from it and was swaddled in a cocoon of airbags. I am one lucky momma yesterday, today and everyday my babies are healthy and safe!!

I’m gonna hafta start reading more about Twin Flame’s, checking Cassady Cain’s blog, being aware of astrological events and my hormones. Cassady Cain mentions that the “masculine” Twin will be going through a lot of purging that the “feminine’ counterpart has had the burden of carrying for so long. There are lightcodes and astrological events being triggered from the year 1999-2000 as the North node heads back into Leo. That is the year we met and the year i fell madly in love with my Twin Flame and also had the most spiritually defining moment of my life thus far. I felt like i was really in touch with my energy when i was meditating more, focusing on alignment and exercising. I know that is what works for me and that is what gets my head right. The ringing in my ears has been so intense lately that meditation is damn near impossible, but maybe that’s the point? Maybe i’m supposed to heal myself and the ringing in my ears is only a physical manifestation of something internal. I haven’t been running in the morning anymore because i absolutely hate it and it’s awful…but it makes me feel better. I need to start running again until i can replace it with something that i like to do more. I need to be more disciplined with myself and i have done it before so i know i’m more than capable. I would love if my Twin Flame and i could work out together or get active together more. I am not embarrassed around her and i might have to humble myself when i’m in a not so sexy position or my belly is hanging out of my workout pants. I don’t have to humble myself around her because i already have and i feel less judged with her than i would a stranger or room full of strangers working out. There is a park by her house that i know would change our lifestyle if we just bit the bullet and did it and made it part of our weekly routine. We need more of a routine, i personally don’t like them but for sanity’s sake the kids and i need that structure, stability and consistency.

My heart is full today and I’m glad that I’m in a space of gratitude and thankfulness because that energy brings me more of that into my vortex. Cassady Cain say’s to expect something deep and spiritual to happen with our “masculine” counterpart. Cassady Cain also explains the “masculine” Twin has been returning to their old ways energetically in last couple weeks which i have felt strongly!! This time of Twin Flame evolution, the “masculine” counterpart will either realize that their old ego needing attention from flirting, romance, attention, etc will end because the pairs have either forgiven each other or the “masculine” Twin has “made their final choice and moved past his old patterns”.  The “feminine” counterparts are supposed to be going through our own evolution of letting go of old painbodies connected to trauma, abandonment, fear, rejection and need. I’m looking forward to her opening up and learning more about her own soul and awakening to a larger part of herself and no longer see’s us as “separate”. I’m looking forward to letting go of this fear that keeps blocking my own desires. Cassady Cain says that a relationship that is “whole” is “A relationship that’s mutually respectful and caring, full of love and built on the basis of a shared desire to be together”. I don’t feel that yet because she doesn’t desire to be together and that hurts the most. But both of us are learning to love unconditionally with an open heart through these experiences. Hopefully this energy i have felt lately has been me trying to release old negative thinking patterns and blocks in our relationship. I’m in alignment today and I’m gonna ride this shit out for as long as i can!!!

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About Constantly Changing Kim

Mother, daughter, sister, lesbian, lover, consumer, student, naturalist, environmentalist, Feminist, artist, poet, writer and aspiring activist. Writing is a craft and it's always a continual process trying to hone my skills. This blog is helping me to express myself and be more me. I dedicate this to my kids, the love of my life, my heart and my Twin Flame.

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